Does Online Couples Therapy Work?

“But does online couples therapy work?  Do you get as much out of it as in-person?”  This is a question I often get regarding conducting couples therapy online.  And my answer is: absolutely.

Traditionally, therapists were taught that in-person sessions offered valuable data that teletherapy could not - details like how the client walks in, their posture, their gait, the details of their grooming, or even how they smell can give therapists clues as to the mental state of the individuals in front of us.  Some therapists also prefer the ability to engage in exercises or use props that are easier done in-person, such as acting out certain scenes or using a white board to visually demonstrate a concept.  

Lowering the hurdle: teletherapy allows for a more seamless integration into your lifestyle

While these are all benefits of the in-person format, virtual therapy has important advantages that can make the trade-off well worth it.  The most important advantage in my opinion is the seamlessness with which online therapy can fit within the clients’ daily schedules.  Unlike a doctor’s appointment that may happen annually or as needed, therapy typically happens at a much more frequent pace, say weekly or bi-weekly, especially in the beginning.  And unlike something like the gym or the grocery store, which most of us decide on based on proximity to our home or the workplace, the choice of a therapist requires more careful consideration than just physical proximity. 

That is to say, the therapist that you click with may not necessarily be close to where you live or work - which means that the commute can add up and begin to feel burdensome when it is done weekly or bi-weekly.  This is not an insignificant factor when we consider how busy many of our lives are.  Added to this is the fact that there are two people’s schedules and physical locations that have to align with those of the therapist’s when we talk about couples therapy.  Lowering the hurdle to make sure a good habit sticks is especially true in this case.  

With the right fit, you won’t have to sacrifice the connection

But what about the connection?  Won’t it feel somehow cold to have a screen between you and the therapist?  Research has indicated that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy.  The connection between the client and therapist is either there or not – and rarely does the fact that there is a screen between you and the therapist make a significant difference in that regard.  What matters more is that the therapist is able to ask the right questions, explore the issues that matter to you, create a space where you don’t feel judged, and is able to cultivate trust that your work together is meaningful and purposive.  If the fit is right, pretty soon you won’t even notice the screen between you and the therapist.

The unexpected benefits of teletherapy

Also worth considering is that online therapy allows its own unique insights into the clients’ lives that can help the therapist be more effective.  For example, the therapist can have a visual view into the client’s home life if they log in from their homes, giving the therapist some details about how the individuals live that otherwise may not be evident.  I once had a client who had a large uninstalled appliance in the middle of the kitchen at the time of a session, which she told me she was going to install on her own.  This sparked a conversation about how hands-on she was about home improvement and her drive to be as self-sufficient as possible.  While this was just one small detail of her life, it nonetheless helped my understanding of the type of person she is, her values, and her approach to life – and this is important because the more nuanced our understanding of the individuals we are working with, the better we are able to help as a therapist.  

Other times clients might log in from their cars (parked somewhere safe, of course) if they need a private place while they are at work or if they feel they do not have a quiet corner in their homes.  This also provides the therapist some insight into the clients’ lifestyles that can help our overall understanding of the challenges they face. 

Make couples therapy stick by making it easy

All this is to say that there are important advantages of teletherapy that make it uniquely suited for couples that lead busy lives and want to lower the hurdle of couples therapy, which requires consistent attendance for the best outcome.  By cutting out the commute, you minimize the time commitment to just the actual therapy hour, allowing it to fit more seamlessly into your day-to-day life.  Therapy when done right is rewarding, but it can also be challenging and hard work - so consider making at least the logistics around it as easy as possible.

** As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Associate, I provide couples counseling in San Antonio and across the state of Texas, now made possible by online therapy.  A good fit between you and your therapist is critical to a positive therapeutic outcome, so I always offer a free initial consultation to make sure you feel comfortable with me.  You can contact me at contact@welltherapypllc.com to set up an initial consultation.